a better life ahead..

bad things happens for a reason

things getting hectic akhir2 ini..i mean, not me, but everyone around me yg seems so hectic, bosen, males..

rata2 pada bilang: “gila, gw kga demen semester 3! rasanya males bgt kuliah, capek bgt!”

dihh..gw malah sebaliknya. gw seneeeng bgt smster 3 ini.

well semester 3 ini started with a bad thing, dan tadinya bikin gw ogah2an..

but then, gw malah enjoy bgt. i found a new life, which is SO much better than before. a lot of things has changed, and bad things keep coming to my life..but hey, bad things happen for a reason, rite?

and when all good thing comes to an end, the best is yet to come..

semester ini, gw ngga males lagi kaya semester 2, ngga cabut2 kuliah lagi, ngga males ngerjain tugas lagi dan gw mulai ikut organisasi kampus..

see? things getting better and better..

waktu awal2 smster 3, gw smpt galau gundah gulana, cz a big problem crash on me and made me frustrated..

but then..

Sometimes we’ve no choice but to walk away

and that’s what i do. i walk away, i dont care anymore about what was happen on the past. that was a good time, though. but we should move on, rite?

and im happy with it. im happy with my life now. its better off this way.

see ya round, folks!

shoot. i hate it!!

this week has been such a dammit week!!

1. ada org yg ngga bertanggung jawab talks about me behind my back

sumpah ya ngga tau malu. cowo gt, tp ngmgn org d blkg!! najeeesss ada cwo mulutnya kaya cewe..lbh malah.

mudah2an aja, org yg udh prcaya ditunjukan jalan yg bnr..and i would to say thaankss to my friends for being such a nice persons and stand by my side no matter what he said about me…thank you thank you!!

2.Tugas2 yg menggila

UTS is coming soon!! di univ2 terdekat 27 oktober 2008.

ahh sial2 begini nih klo mau UTS pasti tugas2 menumpuk..thank God gw dpt dosen cihuy2.. tp ttp aja akibat dr kebiasaan gw yg suka menunda2 pekerjaan..tugas gw jd g brs2. ah sial sial siaaaall..

3. the unpredictable weather

pagi panasnya naudzubillah, eh pas sorenya ujan gede bgt. although i like the raqin so damn much, tp gw ngga demen nih, klo udaranya unpredictable gn. mana ujannya pas lagi jala mau pulang lagi..cb pas gw masih d kampus kan lbh cihuy..

4. poor indonesian train

aduh sumpah ya menteri perhubungan RI pada ngga tau apa ya kereta indonesia itu udh ngga layak jalan?!!

seminggu ini udh 3x gw merasakan kerugiannya!! sekali telat masuk kuliah, trus lainnya telat smp rumah, kemaleman gara2 kereta pd mogok!!

ahh cape cape..

5.  i have no moneyyy

ahh siaall baru awal bulan tp gw udah ngga punya uang lagii. dan keselnya most of it abisnya cuma buat makan doank. nambah2in lemak aja!! padahal banyaaak bgt barang2 yg pgn gw beliii..

baru dpt duit lagi akhir bulan..

but after all those dammit things , ada satu hal yg bikin gw seneeeeng bgt bgt!!

that guy, to whom i had a crush on..yg kata tmn gw namanya ‘krisna’ dan bikin gw smpt ilfeel dgn namanya (no offense buat yg namanya krisna yaa )

ternyata oh ternyata..

namanya adit.

bukan krisna.

and he’s the friend of my friend!! which is oh-so-menguntungkan buat gw..

so then i knew that he’s single (just broke-up, actually), he studied the communication science, jurusannya advertising. anak 2006.

and he’s definetely EMO.

gw sebnrnya ngga begitu suka sm cowo2 emo..dulu gw prnh tergila2 sma anak emo tp pas gw nntn konser MCR dan there, i finally found the real EMO guy. which is so annoying, banyak gaya, and so on and so on dah.

but im okay with that, as long as mereka ngga ganggu gw. wattaaaa!! (apa sih gw??)

and any guy, whether their emo or not, is SO MUCH better than those talking-like-a-girl guy. just find another job, dude. any other job would be better, like..buy a mirror! or take a john robert power course! or maybe u should go to pesantren and then maybe lw bisa dapet pencerahan di situ..

i feel sorry for you. pity.

so, catch ya later, folks!

Rain.

Im only happy when it rains

(Only happy when it rains, garbage)

its early september, tp udh musim ujan aja..

actually, i looove rainy day. bau tanah basah, rumput, feel so romantic lah, hahaha…

kalo ujan gini jadi betah bgt ngadem di rumah. apalg pas bulan puasa, udah deh..

tidur mulu jadinya.

ini yg gw seneng tinggal di bogor, ngga musim ujan aja sering ujan, apalg pas musimnya..

klo ujan gini paling enak du2k di depan jendela, smbil minum teh/ coklat panas..edeeeuhh..mantep!

ada satu impian gw yg smp sekarang blm terkabul..: payungan d tengah ujan sm pacar! hahahahaha..so cheesy, i know..

buat gw ujan = galau

tapi saat2 ujan adalah yg paling gw tunggu.

so here’s some songs yang cocok bgt di dgrin waktu ujan:

+ Hujan – Utopia

+ Sleeping in- postal srvice

+ creep- radiohead ( yg akustik)

+ early sunset over monroeville – my chemical romance

+ the world is ugly- My chemical romance

+ lagu2nya death cab for cutie

+ Jason Mraz- im yours

+ get me away im dying- belle & sebastian

+ so nice so smart- kimya dawson

ada lagi yg lain?

well

see ya ’round, people.

i love walking in the rain because nobody can see me cry..

i plan on sleeping in..

Last week I had the strangest dream
Where everything was exactly how it seemed
Where there was never any mystery of who shot John F. Kennedy
It was just a man with something to prove
Slightly bored and severely confused
He steadied his rifle with his target in the center
And became famous on that day in November

Don’t wake me I plan on sleeping
Don’t wake me I plan on sleeping in
Don’t wake me I plan on sleeping
Don’t wake me I plan on sleeping in

Again last night I had that strange dream
Where everything was exactly how it seemed
Where concerns about the world getting warmer
The people thought they were just being rewarded
For treating others as they’d like to be treated
For obeying stop signs and curing diseases
For mailing letters with the address of the sender
Now we can swim any day in November

Don’t wake me I plan on sleeping
(now we can swim any day in November)
Don’t wake me I plan on sleeping in
Don’t wake me I plan on sleeping
Don’t wake me I plan on sleeping in

(sleeping in, the postal service)

fear and regret.

Fear is a darkroom where negatives develop.

(Usman B. Asif)

what is a ‘fear’ actually?

ada yg pernah bilang sm gw, ” sebenernya ngga ada yg namanya takut. itu cuma ada di kepala lo aja.”

atau ada juga yg bilang gini: “yang namanya rasa takut itu ngga ada. ketakutan itu sebnernya takut karena rasa takut itu sendiri.”

nah loh bingung!!

kalo gw, percaya sm yg namanya ‘fear’.

menurut gw, ‘takut’ itu exist. ada.

yaa…mungkin ini karena gw adalah orang yg penakut y..bnyak bgt hal2 yg gw takuti di dunia ini.

klo dulu ortu gw suka nasehatin gini klo pnyakit takut gw kambuh:” g boleh ada yg ditakutin, yg boleh ditakutin tuh cuma Allah swt.”

ttp aja gw takut..

takut sm setan, sm orang jahat, sm yg gelap2..

tapi semakin gw gede, semakin gw bisa ngatasin rasa ‘takut’ itu.

dikiit.

yg namanya takut itu ada macem2, tiap orang pasti punya ketakutan yg beda2.

cara mengatasi ketakutan juga beda2 setiap individunya.

klo gw, cara mengatasi ketakutannya sih dgn g lyat apa yg bikin gw takut, atau ngehindarinnya.

misalnya takut setan, y ngga usah lyat film setan.

ada juga temen gw yg ngatasin ketakutan dgn cara ngadepin ketakutan itu.

misalnya, dia tuh takut sm dosen tertentu.

tp dia malah berusaha sesering mungkin ketemu tuh dosen. lama2 dia jadi biasa dan ngga takut lagi.

yaa

stiap orang beda cara penyelesaiannya.

ok, ganti topik.

regret.

gw sering bgt ngerasain perasaan ‘nyesel’

dan tiap nyesel, kata2 yg keluar pasti:

kenapa sih penyesalan selalu datang belakangan?

ya kan? pasti lo2 pada juga gitu.

tp akhir2 ini, abis ngomong gitu gw pasti nyambung sendiri:

ya iyalaahh..klo datengnya awal, namanya bukan nyesel, tapi SADAR…

tp smp sekarang, gw ngga bisa nemuin solusi dari ‘regret’ itu sndiri.

klo gw lagi dlm masa2 ‘penyesalan’, pasti gw jadi terpuruk, diem mulu, sedih. jadi ngga bisa nyari solusi dan berusaha ngilangin ‘regret’ itu sendiri.

ada yg tau?

nah..ada lg yang namanya

fear of regret

kita takut untuk melakukan sesuatu karena takut nyesel di kemudian hari.

nahh..ini g bener.

karena ‘fear of regret’ ini bikin kita jadi stay terus di safe zone kita, dan ngga berani keluar nyoba hal baru karena takut nyesel nantinya.

gw sendiri baru2 ini ngalamin hal ini, dan bikin gw jadi tambah nyesel.

ya yg penting sih, kita ngga perlu takut buat nyoba something new, dan yah klo udh berani pasti g nyesel lah..

see ya ’round, folks..

(postingan gw nyambung satu sama lain g sih? hheu..)

i feel like the world turn their back on me.

:: RUBBISH ALERT ::

if you looking for some kind of smart-intelligent or funny-interesting post, dont read this one. cz its just a bunch of rubbish.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I’m feeling a bit mad today. i dunno why, maybe its because im not in a good condition (i’ve got terrible cough and headache since yesterday) and it make me feel a lil bit stressed out. im feeling so mad at myself, i feel like the world turn their back on me. i mean, i feel like everyone is judging me for something and i dont know why..

i feel so ashamed of myself and i dont even know why i feel like that.

my feelings today is so different with last night. last night im so happy because someone from my past contact me and we had a great chat.

but when i went to bed, suddenly i feel so terrible. i cant sleep. i tried, but then i just cant.

and while i tried to sleep,  i dont know why but suddenly i remembered all the things that i’ve  done. all the good and bad memories. all my happiness, sadness. laugh and tears. its like a slide show photos coming to my head.

then i tried to let it go, but i just cant.

i also had some terrible nightmares lately. i told my friends about my dreams but they said its only dream. nothing to worry about.

but i dont think so.

i feel like something bad is gonna happen to me. i don’t know what it is, but i just know it will happen.

u might think im crazy, but i can say im not. im just having a terrible day.

now i feel like i wanna cry.

i feel like i dont belong here in this world.

i feel like everyone will always get me wrong.

i always tried to please everyone, but why they didn’t do the same thing to me?

why everyone judge me for what i never done?

didnt they know that im the victim of this situation?

but yet they make me feel like im the one who did it. im the suspect.

we cant change the past. but we can create our own future.

but im not sure i could.

you may say im a negative person, but i dont even know why i feel like this..

it never happen before..

whats wrong with me?

hufffhh…….

Beauty.

I want to make you feel beautiful

(she will be loved, maroon 5)

what defines beauty?

menurut lo kpn seorang cewek bisa dikatakan ‘beautifull’?

klo yang gw tanya dari tmn2 cowo gw sih, bilangnya cantik itu : putih, tinggi, idungnya mancung, rambutnya lurus, langsing.

tipikal sekali.

but i cant blame them, ya emang gitu definisi ‘cantik’ yang beredar di masyarakat.

ada juga cowo yg mencoba untuk wise dgn bilang: ‘yang penting mah inner beauty..’

tp klo gw, ju2r, masih belum ngerti definisi ‘inner beauty’ yg sebnrnya.

klo gw tnya2 lagi, inner beauty ya artinya ‘baik, suka menolong orang tanpa pamrih, murah hati.’

tp rasanya masih mengganjal gitu di hati..ada yg kurang.

ada tmn cowo gw yang bilang, ” gw klo lyat cewe dari fisiknya dulu. ibaratnya buah, klo dari luar kliatan seger ya pasti bikin tertarik donk.”

iyee..klo dalemnya busuk gmn?

secara g langsung dia bilang,”cuma cewe dgn penampilan fisik menarik yang bakal diperhatiin orang”

iya juga sih. misalnya ada cewe yg punya inner beauty gitu ya. baik, suka menolong, suka memberi. tp klo dia ngga liatin kebaikan hatinya itu, ngga ada yg tau. tp klo dia liatin, essence inner beauty dia jadi ilang. nah lho…

tapiiii…

ada yg bilang,”orang yg punya inner beauty itu ada auranya. pokonya dia jd kliatan cantik aja!”

jd pgn euy, punya inner beauty..

gw sendiri ngerasa secara fisik gw lumayan (mulai deuh narsis..)

but everytime i look myself in the mirror, i feel so proud of myself.

cz i didn’t need any make-up to make me feel pretty.

gw kadang ngerasa kasian sm cwe2 yg pake make-up sepanjang waktu (iya benar sekali, sepanjang waktu..), dan mereka gw akuin emang cantik bgt. beneran dah.

tapi sekalinya g pake make-up..naudzubillah. hheu, no offence, girls…

bisa ngerti sndiri kan maksud gw apa?

thats why gw bangga sm diri gw sndiri..

im pretty with my own way.

ada yg bilang, cantik itu relatif.

klo gw mau nambahin sih,”cantik itu relatif, jelek itu mutlak.”

hahaha, kidding, folks.

tapi kalo menurut gw, orang cantik itu sesuai dgn perasaan hatinya.

ini suatu paham yang sangat gw percaya.

cewe, secantik apapun, klo lagi bete, kesel, pasti kliatan g cantik. knp? karena awan duka menghiasi wajahnya..(ceileehh). bukan, tp karena emang prasaan dia mempengaruhi pembawaannya, jd ngga cantik deh.

dan menurut gw, cewe kliatan plg cantik klo lg falling in love..

how sweet.

ada 1 quote yg gw suka:

“you love her because she’s beautiful or she’s beautiful cz u love her?”

dan beberapa tmn gw setuju sm yang satu ini. menurut mereka, cewe yang lagi jatuh cinta itu selalu kliatan cantik dan menarik karena mereka emang berusaha buat selalu kliatan cantik supaya bisa menarik perhatian org yang disukainya. jadi pake baju aga rapihan dikit, rambut bagus terus, muka juga bersih..

tp klo menurut gw, ini lebih ke auranya.

jadi cewe yang lagi jatuh cinta itu bawaannya kan happy mulu..senyum kemana2 (edan ieu mah..), trus jadi lebih ramah ke orang..

trus kalo ktm orang yg dia suka, mukanya bisa tiba2 merah..

ini yg gw blg “cantik”

ngga mesti tiba2 merubah penampilan, misalnya aja nih ya, ada cewe dekil hobinya pake kaos dekil sm jeans doank trus rambutnya acak2an yg lg jatuh cinta, pasti ttp kliatan cantik.

ya itu sih menurut gw..

yg penting lagi:

“u are beautiful cz u feel beautiful.”

mau secantik apapun lo, tp klo ngga PD, cantiknya g bkl kliatan.

dan gw selalu inget lirik ini:

“i am beautiful, no matter what they said. words cant bring me down. i am beautiful, in every single way..”

(beautiful, christina aguilera)

setiap orang punya caranya sendiri untuk jadi cantik.

see ya ’round, pretty peoples.

Revenge.

revenge is a dish best served cold

(kill bill)

revenge.

sometimes when someone messed up with ur life, lo pasti smpt mikir mau balas dendam.

lo mikir mau bls perbuatan dia, mau buat dia ngerasin gmn menderitanya lo dulu..

tp sebnrnya its just a thought.

jarang bgt gw temuin org yg bnr2 mau bls dendam.

beberapa tmn gw cerita, klo ada org yg jahat sm mereka, pasti lgsg mikir :”gw mesti bls dendam”

but then, cuma jd wacana aja.

bukan karena mereka ngga berani balas dendam, tp naluri mereka bilang: jangan!

dan lagi mereka ngerasa, “ya udahlah, biar aja Tuhan yg bales.”

gw sendiri sering bgt kaya gitu.

tiap kesel sm org, or when somebody humiliating me, gw lgsg kesel bgt dan lgsg mikir: “gw pasti bls perbuatan lo. gw bakal bikin lo menderita kaya gw!”

tapi pada endingnya, gw jadi selalu maafin perbuatan itu org (biarpun dia g minta maap), dan g mikir2 lagi tentang revenge.

so i can say : i dont believe in revenge

lagian misalnya lo bales dendam sm org yg udah jahat sm lo. trus apa? malah ntarnya jd bikin masalah2 baru lagi..

let God pay for what they’ve done to u.

lagian, klo kita bales dendam itu org malah ngerasa hebat bgt. dia bakal ngerasa udh sukses bikin diri kita terpuruk. mending diemin aja. biar jadi malu sendiri.

see ya ’round people. bogor ujan lagi nih )

Lie.

Your lie was true, you knew that you
Could only go down
You lied to me like someone
I didn’t know

(Lie, Alex Parks)

have you ever lied to someone else?

ketika lo bohong tentang sesuatu, lo g bakal bisa berhenti smp di situ aja. lo jadi bikin another lies buat mendukung kebohongan lo yg pertama.

ada juga orang yang percaya sm “white lie”

katanya sih “white lie” itu bohong demi kebaikan. tp liat lg deh. kebaikan siapa? its for your own good, rite? y buat kebaikan lo sndiri, bukan buat org yg lo bohongin..

misalnya aja, lo fell in love with the boy yg sama  dgn org yg disukain tmn lo itu. nah, lo jadi bohong ke tmn lo, blg klo lo ngga suka sm ini cowo, then lo bantuin tmn lo ini. lo bakal mikir: “ya, gw emang bohong, tp buat kebaikan tmn gw. klo gw jujur pasti dia jd sedih.” salah. lo bohong untuk melindungi diri lo sndiri.

i was in this situation. dan ini bikin gw jd bohong lagi, buat nutupin kebohongan2 gw sebelumnya. dan endingnya, gw sndiri yg kena masalah gara2 masalah “white lie” ini. bikin gw jd dilemma, smp skrg. and she never knew that i lied and she keep believing that im a good nice person yg bakal ngebantuin dia to get his heart. see how miserable i am?

so, people. mending klo lo mau bohong, jgn bohongin org yg deket sm lo deh. susah bgt. ya the best thing sih jangan bohong.. ^o^

see ya around.